Questions

I only believe there is God. In his many form.

Since a young age i have been struggling with this religion issue. And today it hits me again when my mum came back from meditation hall angrily dissing me in a way i purposely tell her that i have dinner with friends and intentionally do not want to attend the session. Nobody feels good when you are sitting there watching tv suddenly somebody come and shout at you. Despite i clarify that i didnt go to the dinner firstly due to sudden cancellation by friends because one of them have to attend farewell party organised for him, she just continue saying that i did something wrong so i dont dare to go.

Well, i admit it already became a pressure for me to go to the medication center because the medication center is not really like a normal kind. Let me explain briefly. Firstly, the head of the place is my god mum , which use to be my tuition teacher who suddenly became my god mum in my secondary school days because there was a 'calling' at that time that she can be god mum to a lot of people so mum ask me to call her god mum. I know its complicated but yea that is it. Then this god mum of mine can somehow communicate with God to check things and see things in future. Well, a good part is she can heal people with her spiritual powers. So at first when i was there i was already always scolded for having boyfriend, so i always feel guilty when i have one. Even now. When rationality kicks in , i mean it is really nothing wrong having a boyfriend at this age but yea i still feel guilty. So this boyfriend issue is now out of issue because my god mum's sun also has a girlfriend now, so theres nothing else to say. Then, recently a tuition mate of mine last time got pregnant before marriage. Then issues starts to heat up, and my mum is very very alert about this issue knowing that i have a boyfriend. She continuously lecture me about not having intimate relationship with any guy. I know it is a good intention, and it is abiding with the teaching of the religion but when you think of humanly needs, its another issue. I dont know whats wrong and whats right. So , as people can see, im avoiding this meditation place because firstly it will cause me pressure when they talk about pregnancy before marriage and secondly, if somehow my god mum communicate with god and tell my mum what i have done, i think my mum will be devastated.

Then theres another issue. My god mum says i will only get married after 28 years old. and i am only 21 this year and my boyfriend already proposed. Of course my mum didnt agree, first because i am still studying, secondly she do believe in what my god mum says, thirdly she is not convinced that my boyfriend is a good guy. To her all guys are bad and have intentions, which i agree since long ago. So the problem is, if i got married without her knowledge i will be going against the law of the religion which is disrespect to parents and its a very very huge karma.

So, religion, love and life, which will you choose? After a post of ranting in my blog, i still couldnt make up my mind.

Incidents of a Different Kind

First post of the blog. Well very first sentence anyway (I think!).

I had wanted to post this entry a long time ago but didn't think it was worthwhile to do so till now. I took up this name as the love of my life adores this phrase or nickname a lot and this blog is a dedication to her.

You see, sometimes different kind of things happen to us. Many of us go through life with hiccups along the way or if we're really lucky, just go through life without any obstacles.

I'm not so lucky to go through life without any obstacles but I count myself lucky to still be able to pick up the pieces everytime I fall.

During the past 25 plus years I've been around, I've gone through many issues. Some of the negative ones - depression, anxiety attacks, break ups, dishonesty, being used, disloyalty. Some positive ones - Going through a few relationships then actually finding the right one which I'm currently sticking to, loyalty of friends, being promoted and recognized in the jobs I've held. Once, I randomly told some of the stuff I had gone through to a friend I met at a bar cum restaurant (she was with her family of 2 kids and a loving husband) and she was actually shocked and mentioned, "Are you of a different kind? How have you gone through so many things for a 25 year old when I am 30 and I have not gone through even a quarter of the things which you have?"

Life is not about shortcuts, its about the long journey through it which builds us up. Take a shortcut and you'd pay the consequences. There are no shortcuts in life.

Lemme tell you a little bit about the love of my life. She's stubborn - often does the opposite of what you say, short tempered, grumpy, egoistic, mischevious, pessimistic but also affectionate, adorable, intelligent, humorous, very active, efficient, thoughtful, loyal, observant. I get the sentences "Go find other girls better than me" or "I am not the right one for you" quite often but I know from the bottom of my heart this is the girl I will spend the rest of my life with and I have promised not to leave her no matter what.

Now, I am being faced with a dilemma. The love of my life at the moment is probably currently sitting down in front of a computer table, reading her notes while angrily thinking her boyfriend is always controlling her. She probably wants to end things as I've asked her to study and not just always face the laptop screen and waste away precious time talking to guys who utter sweet words. If I do not love her I'd just let her fail and get lower grades and ultimately forgoing her scholarship but I do love her and do not want to see her down this path that is why I sometimes tell her whats right from the wrong. I cannot ignore something which will have consequences in the future.

Sometimes, a person will need your loved ones to tell him or her what is right and not just follow the ego. Its like I always think I am right then sometimes the things which my sister says is true in the end. I've done many mistakes ignoring or not heeding a loved one's advice and I have paid dues many times worth my while which I could have avoided.